Greetings! I'm Allison. I'm 23 and I have a degree in Film and Physics. I work in PR for a popular tech company.

I'm a caffeine addict, I horseback ride, knit, and play the piano. I am both a scientist and an artist.

I post pictures of people I admire, beauty I appreciate, and things that I love.

Also, I have a lot of thoughts.

**I track the tag pentachoron**

Note: I am NOT pro-ana/mia/selfharm
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Jean Campbell by Tim Walker for Love #12

Had this brief revelation today that there IS such a thing as exercise without associating it with food and/or body shape and/or calories and/or weight loss.

Like, that is a thing.

You can exercise and not think about losing weight and burning calories as though exercise is solely to lose weight and/or “negate” something you ate.

You can exercise and not worry at all about what you’re eating.

You can exercise and not do it with the intention of making your body look different, or lean or muscular or toned or even strong.

You can exercise because fucking exercise. Why not.

Once upon a time we just moved around a lot and picked heavy shit up and didn’t think that hard about it.

witchling said: Maybe you could show tumblr and get the encouragement you deserve

The paint’s still drying, and it really is a stupid picture, but even an amused reaction from him would have sufficed. I said to him, “Look, I painted a little gremlin!” And his response was “What? Oh. Yup. You did.” So I said sarcastically, “Wow you’re real impressed, aren’t you?” and he goes “Yeahhhhhhhhh…”

Even just, “Ha, that little guy’s cute,” would have made me not feel like complete crap.

Here’s the picture.

My dad hates my art.

I mean, I’m not a little kid anymore so it’s not like I expect constant hyperbolic praise for sub-par accomplishments. But it’s also not like I’m trying to make a living off of making things—I just do it because I love it and it makes me happy.

And I show him things I’ve painted, and he gives me the most un-enthused “That’s nice” every time.

What the fuck, dad? It makes me feel like shit and I know it shouldn’t bother me that much but it really does.

Some of the notebooks I’ve been making lately! Big one’s a little crooked—still working on making the stitches/bindings more secure and less torque-y.


Carolyn Murphy in Dingue! for Vogue Paris, August 2014

Shot by Patrick Demarchelier

Styled by Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele

(via dolcerandy)

I’ve been thinking a lot about those motivational sayings you see everywhere that are like “DO IT TODAY” and “DON’T PUT OFF YOUR GOALS FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN THE MOMENT” and “YOUR DREAMS WONT HAPPEN IF YOU WAIT FOR THEM, YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT.”

And like, that’s all fine and dandy. In a lot of cases they come from a good place, but (like all scare-tactic and shame-based motivation…which those are…) it works two ways. I can wake up and want to conquer all my goals and I might go far. Or I might wake up and want to conquer my goals and instead go back to bed and feel like a huge failure. I might give up altogether because if I’m not going to CARPE DIEM!!!! like they say, then, they say, it’s never going to happen.

Why is my life suddenly useless or pointless if I don’t wake up every morning ready to move ten miles forward?

Answer: It’s not.

I don’t know about anyone else, but one of the coolest things I discovered about myself once I STOPPED expecting 110% and FORWARD MOVEMENT TOWARDS MY GOALS AT ALL TIMES, was that I DID do everything that I wanted, at the most opportune time.

All the time that I had otherwise wasted, agonizing in my head going “You wanted to do your laundry today and you’re still sitting in front of your computer, I can’t believe you.” or “You need to apply for more jobs, why aren’t you looking harder?” Because I was reeling on hating myself and stressing out, I did NOTHING.

But now? I woke up this morning and I wanted to write a story. I’ve had an idea forever, and I thought it was time to start writing it. But then, I was drinking my coffee and this little bubble of a thought came into my head and said “Not now. Maybe not today at all.”

And with a little disappointment (I really want to write) I said “Ok.”

Today I’ll get ready, I’ll look at my wide array of things I LIKE to do and things I WANT to get done and there WILL be one to stand out. Maybe I’ll paint. Maybe I’ll take the dog for a long walk. Maybe I’ll re-write my resume.

If you stop defining your life in terms of SHOULD DO and NEED TO DO, and replace them with WANT TO DO and LIKE TO DO then everything will be fun and satisfying and worth it. (And if you can’t just swap out the words, then find a way to rephrase it so that you can—and if you still can’t then maybe reevaluate why in the hell you’re doing it at all…because maybe that’s why it’s not getting done. You don’t have any (personal, meaningful, positive) reason to do  it.)

Things happen when they happen. And as long as it’s not, like, paying bills and showing up to interviews, then I promise you’ll be fine as long as you stop beating yourself up.

Dear Tumblr Staff,

If you’re going to stuff “recommended posts” onto my dashboard, then at least have the common decency to let me HIDE the post if it’s something I don’t like.

I’m scrolling my dash, and a fitspo image shows up and I think to myself “I want to stop following these kinds of blogs because they trigger me.” and I go to unfollow it, only to realize I’M ALREADY NOT FOLLOWING THIS PERSON.

Seriously, Tumblr staff, not cool. You are literally going out of your way to trigger me and not giving me the option to get rid of it.

Why do I have my own dashboard if IT’S NOT MY OWN…?




[cut earlier convo]


Just that it would decrease the likelihood of it snowballing into an avalanche, as is characteristic of GAD given that the level of worry is pretty remarkable. A client of mine from a little over a year ago who had textbook GAD quoted Anchorman, “Well, that escalated quickly” to describe it (which I greatly appreciated).

But again, this is just an idea, and maybe not one that captures everyone with GAD. The premise is that if individuals with GAD could slow their thoughts a bit before they get to the most catastrophized end-point, there could be at least some reduction in anxiety, or at least some perceived ability to act sooner within the feared timeline rather than feel powerless against the ultimate catastrophized fear.

Before “I feel sick” turns to “I’m going to have to call in sick and then I’ll get fired on the spot and I’ll undoubtedly lose my apartment because I can’t pay the rent and so I’ll have to move back home and my friends won’t want to hang out with a job-less loser and no one will love me,” they can intervene sooner and realize it won’t get to the point of no one loving them (e.g., “if I call work and tell them I am sick, am I really going to lose my job on the spot? Maybe I can explain the situation and offer to come in and see what they say, because the worst case scenario is I go in and they see that I’m actually sick and then they’ll probably just send me home”).

That sort of thing.

Yeah, but what you mention in your third paragraph: to me that’s just talking through it but slowly

Yeah I see the point cognitivedefusion is trying to make, but I’ve had that exact thought process, and thinking about it in the way that was proposed would only lead me to catastrophize in a different direction. But I think, something like recognizing that you woke up this morning and you’re in your room and everything is still the same as it was yesterday and nothing has happened yet except that you feel kind of sick, is more what I’d think of in trying to approach the situation using images.

Shirley Mallmann at John Galliano Fall Winter 1997

Shirley Mallmann at John Galliano Fall Winter 1997

(via gnostic-forest)